Happier Days

studying for this science olympiad thingy. last minute thingy.

i’m competing in the Forestry event and

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIGURE OUT THE SPECIFIC TYPE OF TREE FROM A SINGLE LEAF HOW

like on the forums, they’re like “here identify this” and they post a picture of a twig and all twigs look pretty much the same to me and then soon afterwards Person 1 is like “omg i think that’s a paper birch” and then Person 2 replies “no that’s a yellow birch” i mean come on Person 1 how can you be such a fREAKING ignoramus

it’s just that

I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE TO START

AND YET ONE OF THE BIGGEST DREAMS IN MY LIFE HAS BEEN TO BE ABLE TO IDENTIFY TREES

LIKE A NATURE PRINCESS

I’LL BET PRINCESS MONONOKE KNEW HER PAPER BIRCHES FROM HER YELLOW BIRCHES

AND MY FAVORITE CHILDHOOD BOOKS WERE THOSE NATURE SURVIVALY ONES LIKE HATCHET BY GARY PAULSEN AND I’M GOING TO PARTICIPATE IN AN OUTDOORSY PREORIENTATION THING FOR COLLEGE WHERE WE’LL BACKPACK IN THE MOUNTAINS FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK AND I’M SO FREAKING EXCITED AND I CAN IMAGINE BEING THAT ONE “ONE-WITH-NATURE” GIRL WHO’S LIKE “whoa, everybody stop, look at that fiiiiiiiiiiiiine specimen of an Engelmann spruce, native to only 3 states in the United States. Notice its unusually stout twigs and its relatively large con—BUT DAFUUUUUU CHECK OUT DAT WHITEBARK PINE!!!!! IT IS DISTINGUISHABLE BY ITS FIVE-NEEDLES-IN-A-BUNDLE!!!!!!”

TIME TO START

BECAUSE AS OF NOW I”VE ONLY LEARNED TWO TREES AND THEY”RE THE ENGELMANN SPRUCE AND WHITEBARK PINE AND I ONLY LEARNED THEM FOR THE SAKE OF WRITING THIS TUMBLR POST FML AND STATE IS TOMORROW AND I DON’T EVEN HAVE THE MANUAL ON HAND

ray lu (woohoo!) better be an incomparably excellent partner

and then after i finish i gotta do rocks and minerals with Eric Zhang (woohoo!) as the pahtnah and we can be nature princesses who can identify rocks except i can’t think of any examples of who we’d be like. maybe geodude. does it count if i can identify dwayne johnson?

ugh zomgbies dis gone be intents

i really really really want to paint a Hokusai shirt. i’ve wanted to every since i saw the exhibit at a museum in DC over the summer.

i want to even MORE because i recently bought a gold-and-white ship necklace at forever 21 that would be perf with this shirt because if i wear it it’ll be like the ship is floating on waves!!!!!!!!!!! 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but first i have to make graduation presents for people

SOMEONE PLEASE TAKE ME TO MICHAELS SO I CAN BUY ALL THE FABRIC PAINT PLEEEEEEEEEASE

It’s gone with the wind.
Whoops there’s a slight breeze byebye motivation time for you to go it was fun while it lasted nice having that one night-I mean nanosecond- stand

it’s 5 am and did i really just eat that much edamame

slept for 9 hours, i’m a new flower

first time back on tumblr for a while again. i think my posts of late have all been like “hi, i’m back on tumblr,” my blog has become so anticlimatic it’s craaayYyYyYYYYyyyyy

-zy

YYaaaAaaAAAaaAAAaYYYyyYyayYYYyYyyyyY

but imma post more now because this edamame has given me literary energy

my stream of consciousness has gone dry of late, but the rainy season has replenished that now everflowing brook of lyn, look of byn, nook of win, shook of wind, shock of mind, next to me sits a clementine, group sporcle is fun, can’t wait for next weekend, i hate cold weather, origami today

OH YEA I WAS GONNA MAKE CRANE EARRINGS before i prematurely went to sleep

something to do! byebye everyone itz bin real

the best thing about finishing a big project

is getting to close all the related tabs on chrome and all the files on word

from 20ish tabs to five

YAY NO MOAR POETRY ANALYSIS

^that was a poem

Anonymous: do you use this tumblr anymore?

I didn’t, not for three months of total hiatus (didn’t log onto tumblr at all since Jan 5th ish).

..that’s a quarter of a year. this feels weird.

Why? I guess today was just a pooey sad day. Sad enough. Enough to make me once again seek the comfort of talking to myself, when I feel like there’s nobody else I want to talk to, because for various reasons, there aren’t.

Okay hi welcome to new depressing me <insert winsome smile> hope you like the extreme attitude makeover

But there are also reasons why today was a good day, or at least better than what it could have been. PROS was lovely. My English oral went well.

At some point, “all the feels” negate each other and now I just have no feels. I am a neutral particle. A particular neutral. A party newt. I’d put a picture here of a newt partying but I am easily repulsed by pictures of amphibians i mean what can a person do

I’ll be gone from tumblr anon (haha get it “anon” means “soon” in Shakespearean English). I’ve become a Bohemian.

le poème bohème

is the name of my untouched poetry project

because it rhymes

and that title is followed by a subtitle so pretentious and meaningless that I will not reveal it to the public

Adieu

I’ve realized that I read tumblr posts, and really any posts/writing, in the voice of the writer.

If it’s written by a friend whose voice I’m familiar with, even if their writing style isn’t exactly how they speak, I read it in their voice. I know your voice.

I read “hipster quotes” overlaid on grainy photographs in a whispery female voice. There’s usually calm yoga music in the background.

I read gifs in whatever the character/person’s voice is (or what I expect it to be).

If it’s a foreign quote/gif, I read it in that country’s accent (to the best of my understanding; British and French are easiest).

I read trollish comments in a number of voices, including Dory’s whale voice, George Qi’s nasal voice, and a generic “lolol *chuckle*” male voice.

In other news, we finally bought a hairdryer! Except not for the purpose of drying hair; because my mom needed something to heal her shoulder and a hairdryer will work. Still, it’s killing disrupting (b/c killing is morbid) two birds with one stone! Her arm will heal (thank goodness :D), and I won’t have to plan in 3 hours of hair-drying time after my showers.

I was going to write an end-of-break post but I can’t possibly remember everything by Jan 7th

In no particular chronological order:

—I spent two hours checking up on how Cole Sprouse is doing nowadays. I read his (old, but revived-by-fans) tumblr, went to his photography site, read gossip blogs, everything. I even found his instagram. DON”T ASK ME WHY BECAUSE I DON”T KNOW THE REASONS I JUST WANTED TO SEE IF HE”S STILL OKAY

—I finally watched some ’80s movies. FERRIS BUELLER IS THE MOST CAPABLE YOUNG MAN OF THE 20TH CENTURY. And The Breakfast Club is ab.so.lute.ly.amazing. I finally know where that one green-sweatshirted guy I reblogged from so long ago was: Andrew Michael Hall! :D I’ve also (re)watched Sense and Sensibility, Home Alone, and MEAN GIRLS. AND I BECAME SEVERELY DEHYDRATED ON CHRISTMAS DAY BECAUSE I CRIED FOR TWO HOURS STRAIGHT WHILE WATCHING LES MISERABLES but oh, those songs, are so….iconic. lovable. singable-at-any-time-of-the-day! :D I also watched Pitch Perfect; Fat Amy/Patricia; omgdalols

—My cousin Cade and my aunt and uncle visited! Such happy days. My uncle works in South Sudan for PetroChina; my cousin is a high school transfer student to a school near Philadelphia.

I sometimes wonder how my aunt feels. She can only see my uncle a few times a year, and now even her son goes to school in the United States—and she’ll have to return to Beijing soon. They still skype/call everyday…but that physical presence is missing. What is it like to say goodbye to the people you love, over and over? My uncle left yesterday, and my cousin this morning; the house feels empty. My heart aches.

—I joined the Macbook fam! Got a 13” Pro with retina display. Also made my first Amazon purchase (a case and sleeve) AND THEY ARRIVED TODAY :D The sleeve didn’t turn out ideally, but I love lovve loooove the case.

—Soooo muuuuch sleeeeeeep

—Tonight, the first day of a new year, I had a conversation that I’ll never forget.

My dad and I were out walking after dinner. I had been revisiting some of my college essays this afternoon, and it made me ask him a question.

I asked him:

Up to this point in your life, what have been your biggest, most important decisions? And why did you make them?

It’s a question that I highly recommend asking your parents, if at all possible.

Every family is different. You can learn beautiful truths, you will perhaps learn unpleasant truths. But I think that every parent will have some kind of an answer.

I think stories are amazing. When it’s a story that follows this question…for me it revealed a story of hardship and unbelievable miracles, a tear-jerking love story, an explanation for why I am here and who I am, of why I can never forget my family. It is a story of faith; for my dad, the path of finding God.

The way that a person chooses to tell a story can also say so much.

Tonight’s storytime was unforgettable.

—I watched the interviews for the Les Mis movie cast. Perfect Eddie Redmayne is PERFECT ugh my ovaries

—Printed Christmas music and performed for the fam :D Except it was cheap internet music with horrible chords and I ended up playing by ear anyways T_T I’m just really sad that I can’t play flute and sing at the same time (and that I can’t play piano and read lyrics at the same time) (okay all I can do is be a metronome)

Mm there was probably more stuff. But I guess—so far—this break has been one of the best of my life. 2012 was a great year, but I’ll need to spend more time in reflection (and distance myself with more time) before making a judgment.

Now to make a New Year’s Resolution list. I resolve to actually make a list this year.

Make life easy on yourself

Take a day off

Become friends with Ferris

Donate to the Save Ferris fund

And try to acquaint yourself with Abe Froman, the Sausage King of Chicago

<3 Happy New Year’s

Anonymous: How much do you care about your image and what people think of you?

(another question from 5ever ago :x oops)

In terms of physical image:

I care more when I’m standing in front of a mirror. Some days I care more than other days.

But when I walk out into public, I just think, well this is me. Whatever. Maybe it’s a form of laziness, or complacency, or self-denial? Of low standards for physical beauty? But it’s also that I don’t think that my physical appearance is my number one concern. It’s definitely a concern, and I aim to be healthier, and I like to feel pretty (though that feeling sometimes disappears). But I think a lot of people are pretty :) I don’t care very much about other peoples’ image, but since I know that’s not true of all people, I do care about my own image to a necessary extent. But I’m not like some of my friends who are like “omg I look horrible in this picture DELETE IT” when they have like one stray hair in an otherwise gorgeous picture T_T Maybe I’ll care more when I’m trying to impress. As of now, nobody to impress.

About reputation/image in a nonphysical sense:

Maybe I care more about this.

It can hurt to know an ugly truth about yourself, but it’s also revealing and even relieving.

But I’ve come to really really dislike looking for those “ugly truths” in other people, and it annoys me when other people are always looking to criticize or “hate” stuff.

I’m also quite frustrated when people have a false image of me, but if it’s not a serious misunderstanding, then whatever. (But still. Ex. there’s this one gossipy Chinese mother who I’ve never even MET who talks about me and learns about me. Just freaking back off and mind your own business ugh >:( also some Indian parents did this in 9th grade apparently. sigh Gossip Gurls emergin’ on all strata of society)

But in any case, I’ve never really been in a situation where people had a very public and definitive “image” of me, I think? When people think good thoughts about me, that makes me happy and I’m thankful, but I don’t let myself “care” so much that I come to rely on compliments or attention. When people think badly of me, it definitely hurts more…but I’m learning to not care about that either. :)

So to answer your question, on the scale of not-at-all to very-much, I’m about as medium as my dad’s best-fitting shirt size.